TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
Is my a s s fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I hate my thighs
You're so .. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you are really not going to like
TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you too = OK, I said it, can we have sex now?
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other men
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next 10 minutes.
